Uncontrol
by UntouchableHeart
Summary: Ban is slipping, and not even Ginji seems able to catch him. It may take a shifting relationship with a former rival to save the cursed wielder of the Evil Eye. Eventually a Shido X Ban. UPDATED AFTER TWO/THREE YEARS. Chapter 5 - MINE.
1. Anniversary

**Note:**

Okay so here it is, my first GB fiction. I adore Get Backers, and the complex relationship between Ginji and Ban. BUT… this story's eventually going to be a Shido x Ban, as I have been inspired by my fellow Shido/Ban enthusiast **fallingfarther**. Check out her story _Smoke_, a work in progress. It's amazing! I've only seen the series once, and haven't read any of the manga, so I'll be taking serious liberties, I'm sure. Just bear with me!

Please read and review! I'm new at this!

**Disclaimer**: Sadly, the Get Backers and all related materials, characters, and such do not belong to me. Trust me, things would be a LOT different. I'm just using them for my own entertainment.

**_Chapter One: _** **Anniversary**

It was a slow day at the Honky Tonk. Early November seemed to mark a distinctive lull in the number of potential clients for the retrieval business. Fuyuki Shido had come to the café early that morning, thinking that perhaps an early start would produce a client and a job to pass the time. Three hours and four cups of coffee later proved his assumption to be incorrect, as no paying customers of any kind had entered through the doors since his arrival. That wasn't to say that the café was empty, however. Paul Wan sat still as a statue behind his counter, only moving to turn the pages of his ever-present newspaper. Beside him a very cheerful Natsumi happily bustled around tidying up while chattering to Ginji.

The former Lightning Emperor of Mugenjou sat on a stool at the counter casually playing with a bent-up plastic straw while joining in the young waitress's chatter. His blond head would occasionally bob enthusiastically as he talked with energetic young girl, quiet laughter punctuating parts of their conversation. Shido watched from his quiet booth in the corner as his old friend seemed to effortlessly take on the persona of a carefree teenager. What ruined this nearly flawless image of normalcy were the strangely tense glances that Shido caught Ginji throwing at his partner who sat in the opposite corner beside a window. And it was more than the glances that caused a slight knot of tension to form in the Beast Master's stomach that morning.

About an hour after Shido arrived at the Honky Tonk, the infamous getbackers duo had quietly stepped into the café. Midou stepped in first, his dark purple shades completely guarding his eyes, followed closely by Ginji who seemed to be hovering over his partner's shoulder. Shido watched from the corner of his eye as Ginji leaned forward and asked Midou something so quietly that even his enhanced hearing couldn't pick it up. Midou shook his head minutely, and wandered off to the table by the window, and after watching his partner for a moment, Ginji turned towards the counter. The former emperor noticed Shido sitting at the booth and plastered on a smile to say hello.

Only on his second cup of coffee and not nearly ready to attempt socializing with the always-energetic Ginji and his bitchy partner, Shido merely returned Ginji's cheerful hello with a wave and sat back to observe the pair. Ginji's talking with Natsumi provided a light background noise to the otherwise silent Honky Tonk. Good natured chatter was common place in the café, but the overwhelming silence and stillness that dominated the atmosphere was not, and it unsettled Shido. By seventh time he caught Ginji glancing uncertainly at Midou, Shido relented and turned his attention to the shorter Get Backer.

Midou Ban sat hunched over the small table with his stare planted firmly on his hands resting on the polished surface-- an untouched cigarette burning out in one of them. His glasses and spiked bangs hid more of his face than usual, casting a shadowed look about him. Yet it was more than the dark atmosphere surrounding the young man that disturbed Shido. It had been a whole two hours since the get backers arrived at the Honky Tonk, and the abrasive man had yet to insult, provoke, or generally piss him off. There was no "Yo, Monkey Tamer," were no jibes about his close relationship with Madoka, no cocky remark about his more distant relationship with Ginji. There was no acknowledgement of his presence at all, and Shido wasn't entirely sure why that bothered him so much. _It's because he's dangerous, and could be turning into a bigger threat to Ginji_, he told himself. _It's because he's plotting something sinister and even Ginji's noticed. It's because he's finally stopped trying to hide the fact that he's a complete bastard—that he's evil._ None of these thoughts felt right, however, and that in itself was confusing to Shido. _It's because there's something wrong…_

He shook his head, growing angry at himself for wasting time wondering about Midou's uncharacteristic behavior. Why should he care what was up with the Snake Bastard? He hated the guy, anyway. Watching Ban from the corner of his eye, Shido saw a sudden stiffness sweep through the still body. He looked up to see that Ginji had left the main area of the café to help Natsumi grab some supply boxes from the back room. It was time, he decided, to get things back to normal. Standing up from the booth, Shido stretched his cramped muscles as he strolled over to take a seat at the counter, close to Midou's solitary table.

"Snake Bastard," he greeted the silent man by the window. There was no indication that Midou had even heard him. Shido asked Paul for another cup of coffee before turning squarely to regard the brunette. "You know what I think?" Not even a twitch of muscle. "I think you're up to something. I think that calculating mind of yours is planning something." Not a single blink. "So tell me, Midou," the words slowly turned sour in his stomach before they left his mouth. He pressed on anyways, "Have you decided you're done with pretending?" That earned him a slight clenching of Ban's fist on the table. Shido paused. Had he hit on something? So, he was right about Midou all along. A voice in the back of his head told him to be proud of himself, but for some reason the words fell flat. "I know you're a killer. Heartless, right Midou? So what… are you planning to kill Ginji, too? You're not much of a partner type, I hear."

Paul suddenly cut him off by placing a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. The shop owner stared down at Shido for a moment, eyebrow raised, before returning to his newspaper and his place behind the counter. The Beast Master took a sip of his coffee, fully expecting the typical explosion of Midou's violent temper. Instead there was a boom of thunder outside as rain began to dot the street. Ban shifted his gaze to the window, but remained otherwise silent.

Without a bombardment of angry retorts, Shido felt suddenly unsure as to why he felt the need to goad Ginji's partner. Without the vicious insults spilling from Midou's mouth, the goading suddenly felt more like bullying a smaller kid on the street. And upon a closer inspection of the younger retrieval agent, Shido realized that he was, in fact, picking on the smaller kid. Ban looked smaller than usual, hunched inside a hooded sweatshirt that looked too big for him and definitely too old and worn. The ex-Volts member was struck by the fact that a quiet Midou Ban _physically _looked different than the usual obnoxiously arrogant Get Backer he was used to. He looked too small. Too young.

Shido was saved from further introspection by Ginji, who returned with Natsumi from the back room looking suspiciously flushed. The blond grinned at him as he moved to sit beside him at the counter. "Ohayo, Shido-kun. Are you bored this morning, too?" he greeted warmly. "Do you think any clients will come in today? The weather isn't very nice, but maybe someone will come anyway. How long have you been here? You didn't look very awake earlier," Ginji rambled cheerfully. The chatter was back, pushing back the uncomfortable silence in the café.

Shido offered a small smile while sipping his coffee. "I've been here for a while, but I don't think there's much chance of a client today," he glanced out the windows, "It looks like the rain's coming down harder. At least you're a better conversationalist than your partner," he noted mildly. The serene mood of the café was shattered once again as Ginji threw another quick glance at Ban. To Shido's astonishment, Midou turned to meet Ginji's eyes before turning back to the window.

Ginji looked over at Shido with a slight wince. "Ano… you two weren't fighting again, were you?" Shido was once again left wondering why he suddenly felt guilty.

A third voice spoke up, causing both Ginji and Shido to turn to the windows. "No fight. The Monkey Tamer just likes to hear himself talk," Ban said without looking at them, his voice low and neutral.

Ginji turned in his seat and opened his mouth to say something to Shido but stopped when Ban abruptly stood from his seat. Both the former emperor and the Beast Master, as well as Paul and Natsumi, turned at the first movement made by the retrieval agent that morning. Ban offered no explanation as he walked quietly to the door of the Honky Tonk. It was Natsumi who noticed the familiar figure standing fifty feet away outside the windows. "Himiko-chan…?" she murmured.

All eyes quickly sought out the teenage girl standing in the rain, clearly staring at Ban when he opened the door and took one step outside.

"Ban-chan—" Ginji started quietly as he reached to grab the forearm of his best friend.

Ban stopped at the grip on his arm but didn't turn. "Wait here, Gin," he muttered softly under his breath.

"But Ban-chan you ca—"

"Just wait here, Ginji," Ban interrupted more strongly as he removed his arm from Ginji's grip. Paul's brows knitted together slightly and he shook his head before going back to his paper, while Natsumi and Shido curiously looked on.

"What the hell is going on here, exactly, Snake Bastard—" Shido began, but Ban had already walked out of the café.

Ginji pulled his hand back but his eyes pleaded with the back of his partner's head as Ban walked out into the rain. "Don't do anything stupid, Ban-chan," he ordered his partner in defeat. Shido's eyebrows rose up high at that comment, and when Midou stopped in his tracks he fully expected to have to protect Ginji from a throttling for that remark.

To add to his confusion that morning, however, Ban's shoulders merely slumped a bit further as he continued walking toward the soaked figure of Himiko outside on the street. The café's occupants watched as Himiko turned and disappeared deeper into the foggy streets upon seeing Ban's presence, until she and then Ban were completely out of sight. Several emotions seemed to war on Ginji's face. Shido thought he looked torn between running out after his partner and attempting to make a joke about the situation.

Natsumi stepped out from behind the corner to stand beside Ginji who gazed fixedly out the door in the direction his best friend disappeared in. "What's going on with Ban-san, this morning?" she asked quietly.

Shido turned to Ginji waiting for a response as well, but the blond only stood staring out the door, tension running down his spine. Natsumi sighed and returned behind the counter to quietly unpack a box of glasses that Ginji had carried out for her. Shido opened his mouth to ask for himself, but Paul interjected.

"Yamato," the redhead spoke out into the still café. "He died three years ago, today." The shop owner leveled a gaze at Shido from over his newspaper. Natsumi gasped and turned her attention back to the windows. Ginji flinched and worriedly watched the open door.

The Beast Master furrowed his brows as he frantically tried to register why that name sounded so familiar, and why he should care in the least. He followed Natsumi's look. Himiko… Kudo Himiko. And her brother Yamato. Yamato… Ban's old partner…

"_So what… are you planning to kill Ginji, too? You're not much of a partner type, I hear."_

The knot tied a little tighter in his stomach. In the back of his mind he tried to remind himself that the Snake Bastard deserved to hear it, because it was true. The little voice told him that he had the right to call the man who stole his emperor away what he truly was. The man was a killer. The man _had_ killed his old partner. The scrawny guy _was _a bastard. The young guy _was _a walking curse.

Shido's mental reaffirmation stuttered as an image of Midou looking strangely small, hunched over the table at the window flashed through his mind. _And I _am _a fucking glorified bully_, he thought to himself, frustrated.

_Shit._

He glanced back at Ginji cautiously, unsure of what to say. His stomach rolled in yet another circle as he heard the blond muttering under his breath to the door, "Don't do anything stupid. Don't do anything stupid, Ban-chan…"

Shido decided that in light of his previous provocation of the Snake Bastard on an obviously sensitive day, he would allow himself a minute to worry about what "stupid" translates into when it comes to an arguably psychotic master of the Evil Eye. Just one minute.

… Maybe two minutes. Maybe just until the Snake Bastard came back.

_Shit._

A/N: haha okay so it's my first fic in about four years. So be nice! No, I don't know if Yamato died in November, but I mean, come on. Who's paying attention to such tiny details? Anyways…. Review, 'cause it makes me feel special, and yes, it makes me want to continue it.

Next chapter: Himiko vs. Ban. And a little more of a changing relationship between Shido and Ban, if I can work it in so soon. Stay tuned!


	2. Want

Note: See chapter one for disclaimers and such…. Thanks to those who reviewed! More specific thank yous later when I'm not so tired I'm about to pass out. Hope you enjoy the newest installment!

**_Chapter Two: _ Want**

………………………………………………………………………….

It was raining hard on the streets of Shinjuku. The chilled November air was still, and the rain fell straight down to pierce all who had not run to find shelter—lanced through the bodies of the two that did not _want_ to hide. It was raining so hard—as hard as it had rained that day, three years ago. Two shadowed bodies stood frozen, facing each other. One furious. One blank. Both sinking in rain and in grief that would destroy them both. It wasn't raining quite hard enough to wash the shadows clean.

Lightning flashed and reflected harshly against twin pieces of purple glass. A gust of wind blew dark, sodden strands of green hair from narrowed eyes.

"Midou Ban. Defend yourself."

…………………………………………………………………………..

Shido was growing tired of finding himself unnerved. Ginji was too quiet, having long ago given up laughing to cover up his own unease. Where his partner was concerned, Ginji was anything but the endearingly clueless guy he often seemed. At the moment, he sat at the counter beside the Beast Master once again. Instead of chatting with Natsumi, however, he rested his head in his folded arms on the countertop, with a solemn stare trained on the windows. He didn't fidget or ask for food. He didn't babble or attempt to mask his worry. He simply sat, waiting.

Shido was very aware that Midou had such an affect on the former Raitei. He was less aware of why the Snake Bastard seemed to be having the same affect on himself this day. He had insulted Ginji's partner far worse in the past—something he was strangely less proud of at the moment—and had never stopped to wonder about his well-being. But today he found himself following Ginji's gaze to the windows. And he did worry. So he waited, too.

It was very frustrating.

"Where did they go, Ginji-kun?" Natsumi asked from the opposite side while nervously wiping a perfectly dry glass with a towel. "Do they go to visit Yamato's grave, maybe?"

"No, they don't," the blond answered quietly, not turning from the window.

"Then where the hell are they going?" Shido interjected. He wasn't afraid of the dark but he didn't like being stuck in it. "It seemed like the kid and Midou have been getting along these days," not that he'd noticed, he amended to himself, "It's not like they're going out to beat each other to a pulp…" He trailed off when Ginji's fists clenched on the counter. "Ginji…"

"Last year… Ban-chan came back with a broken collar bone."

Shido straightened up.

"So they _are _out there fighting!"

"Ban-chan won't hit Himiko-chan. She'll be okay," came Ginji's dull response.

"So the Snake Bastard just _lets_ her hit him once a year? You've got to be kidding me…"

"Ban-chan has his reasons. Himiko, too."

"So every year they _fight_?" Shido asked again, not comprehending, as this new information contradicted many characteristics he had assigned the two. The Himiko girl was irritable, and far too mature for her age, yes. But vengeful and violent? And Midou was a heartless killer and introverted menace… so why didn't he just kill the girl like he had her brother? Yet even as he tried to picture Ban striking down the girl with his cruel snakebite, he felt something was wrong with the image…

Shido's mental stuttering was interrupted when Ginji shrugged. "He only found Himiko a year and a half ago. On that retrieval. And I only met him two years ago when I left Mugenjou. I don't know what Ban-chan did on this day, before that." His brow knitted together at the thought. "He's been pretty bad lately, though. Ban-chan is good at hiding it when he's upset… but I can really see that it's bad this year… I'm really worried about him. I don't know if the first year was—"

Paul lowered his paper slightly and glanced out the window. "It was worse," he muttered, and went back to reading—a clear signal that he would say no more. Both Shido and Ginji turned to Paul at that. It hadn't occurred to Ginji, let alone Shido, that Paul had witnessed the first anniversary of Yamato's death. Ginji, however, seemed to register something in his mind because his eyebrows shot up and his head whipped around to the windows again. He fell silent once again, though now seemed even more hard-pressed in forcing himself to remain in the café like Ban demanded.

Rain pounded against the closed windows of the Honky Tonk. No more than ten feet outside the café was visible through the storm. Maybe it was something about the depressing weather that made Shido question the basis of a rivalry that had always seemed so justified. He couldn't remember a moment in time when he didn't want Midou dead. Until this morning when he saw a very uncharacteristic Get Backer and said the wrong thing. Until now when he wanted to apologize to the bastard for the first time ever.

_"I know you're a killer. Heartless, right Midou?"_

Shido winced in recollection.

_"You're not much of a partner type, I hear."_

He thumped his head on the countertop, earning a satisfied "humph" from Paul. He should have just accepted the fact that he was bored and stayed home, or visited Madoka, or maybe Emishi or Kazuki… He should have done anything but walk into the Honky Tonk so early that morning. Anything would have been better than this. If he even knew what "this" was. His stomach flopped and he would have liked to believe that it was the four cups of coffee in his system, had it not been for the single word echoing across the corners of his mind.

_Heartless. Heartless. Heartless._

………………………………………………………………………..

A blast of flames that defied nature as it ripped through the downpour narrowly missed his shoulder. Arms hanging loosely at his sides-- refusing to come up in defense--, Ban shifted his body left, and then right to avoid the perfume-induced infernos repeatedly fired at him. Steam hissed in the air where the flames dissipated, adding another instrument to the symphony playing in the street. Rain pounded a relentless rhythm on the broken pavement. Footsteps almost too fast to register splashed through puddles, and the soles of four shoes scraped against the damaged ground where the clashing figures touched down. And when the staccato grew more and more repetitive, more predictable, a pant was pushed through clenched teeth and tensed cheeks, or a gasp leaked from otherwise sealed lips. What may have appeared to be a well choreographed dance—a series of motions performed out of obligation—was revealed as the violent scene it was truly meant to be. The figures, shadows for a day, warred.

One took the blows, needing them. One became more furious, needing more retribution than the bruises her blows caused.

Ban ducked a wave of fire and reappeared directly behind the enraged teen, shoving his glasses higher up on his nose as they began to slide. Himiko turned and landed a vicious punch on his left side. He barely flinched. When a pink perfume drifted towards his face he sped a safe distance away. This year was different than the last, for both of them. Ban could sense it. There would be no returning to the Honky Tonk to nurse a broken bone. The grief had become too deep, the pain too severe. Himiko no longer wanted to forget it. Ban found himself unable to control it. He would have loved to be terrified by the notion that he was slipping. That the control over himself that he had worked so hard for was falling apart. That is, if he thought he would walk away from this night.

"Fight me, you coward," hisses Himiko, shoulders heaving. "Fight _back_." In a split second she had a knife sailing through the rain filled air at Ban. He didn't move, and it grazed the side of his neck. Tears clouded Himiko's vision worse than the storm. "Do you think that by letting me hit you, you can make up for it?"

Ban's shoulders slumped. It wasn't the reaction Himiko was hoping for. She growled and bit out, "You took my life away from me." A speed enhancing potion brought her within an inch of Ban before even he could blink. "He trusted you, you bastard." The words stuck in Himiko's throat and thundered through Ban's chest. "How _dare_ you think you're doing _me _a service by not fighting back!" She grabbed the front of his shirt and shook hard, "How _DARE _ you kill him and pretend like he never existed!"

Ban raised an arm for the first time since leaving the Honky Tonk and removed the girl's hands with little effort. He took a step back. For a moment his blank expression fluttered some kind of emotion, but disappeared before Himiko could identify it. She told herself not to care. "How dare you, Ban," she said again.

She almost jumped when he spoke for the first time that day. "Then avenge him and go, Hi-chan." His deep voice was low, and cracked with disuse. It was almost inaudible, but the girl caught it and hated how defeated it sounded. She didn't want him to be weak. She didn't want him to call by the nickname he only ever used back when they were happy—back when they were a family, whole. She didn't want to remember a second brother.

Himiko wanted to remember the blood. She wanted to remember that she hated Midou Ban. She looked up at the downcast face of her brother's murderer, at the strangely subdued shell of an arrogant bastard, and wanted to remember everything she had always hated about him.

Ban felt a moment of relief when he was suddenly sure that the girl would finally take her revenge. He was so damn tired. He couldn't keep it up anymore, not when he was losing it as it was. Besides, if anyone was justified in killing him, it was Himiko. Well, he was sure there were more, but he would never allow it. Not from anyone but Himiko. Who sometimes looked so much like her brother that it hurt to look at her.

Himiko stepped forward and grabbed onto his shirt, pulling him close once again, and Ban was sure that his time was up. An image of Ginji flashed through his mind, and his heart paused for a moment. Who would take care of Ginji? No, he assured himself, Ginji didn't need him anymore. He relaxed, telling himself that he wouldn't be with Ginji much longer anyway. At least this way, Himiko would be happy, too. And Ginji had his friends to look after him, to be there for him. His friends… like Natsumi and the Threadspool…like that Monkey Tamer…

"_Have you decided you're done with pretending?... I know you're a killer. Heartless, right Midou?... kill Ginji, too?... kill Ginji, too?... kill Ginji, too?"_

The grip on his shirt tightened, and Ban felt the tension flow from his body. This was it. Monkey Tamer would be happy. He hoped Yamato was smiling too. He wanted them all to smile. The world was just too fucking dark.

But Himiko wanted something else. No blow was delivered. No knives, fire, or poison. Ban flinched when his sunglasses were suddenly snatched from his face. The tension crept back up his spine as the girl he once teased like a little sister stared directly into his eyes for what was probably the first time ever.

"Show me why, Midou Ban," Himiko spat slowly, deliberately. Ban's eyes widened as he reflexively began shaking his head in refusal. The girl would not relent. She knew now what she wanted. "Show me how, Ban. Show me what made you do it."

"Stop, Himik—"

"Show me how you could kill him!"

Ban tried to back away but he was too far gone. He shut his eyes tight, trying to block out the images that flooded his mind. He had fought so hard to lock them all away… it was too much. He couldn't fight them now, not right now. He forced his eyes open to try a first and last offensive. It had to end now. "I could do it because he was an asshole! Now back off, brat!" he yelled with as much as his usual brutality as possible. "He fucking deserved it!"

Himiko grabbed his face in both of her hands, jerking his wild eyes to meet hers. "Show me my brother!" she screamed, and without his consent Ban's Jagan was released. He vaguely wondered if the girl knew he was losing control of it.

Electric blue eyes widened to the point of bulging, and a low voice croaked out a single "No…" and then the nightmare hit.

………………………………………………………………………….

The air crackled inside the Honky Tonk and electric sparks suddenly erupted over Ginji's resting arms. His eyes suddenly flooded with worry, which concerned all who were present at the café. The blond scrambled out of his stool and burst out the front door without a word. Natsumi watched him leave with her jaw wide open, expression scared.

Shido stood from his stool as well, but hesitated. Because he felt it too. There was something deeply wrong… Maybe Ban had decided to hit back after all and had hurt the kid… but a thundering in the Beast Master's chest told him that it wasn't the Kudo girl he was worrying about. It wasn't Himiko that had Ginji racing into a storm, looking more like Raitei than he had in the past two years out of Mugenjou. Should he be racing out, too? Did he have any place being concerned--- being _curious_ he tried to correct himself—about Midou Ban?

"What the hell are you waiting for?" Paul asked with an arched eyebrow. His newspaper had been placed down on the counter.

Well there was his cue. The Snake Bastard could bitch at him later for interfering in personal matters. For now he was going to use the excuse of guilt for his careless provocation while he still could. It was guilt that was driving him hard on Ginji's heels into the streets of Shinjuku. It was guilt for being an ass on a bad day.

It was a flutter in his chest that simply wouldn't go away.

He was going to make sure Midou was alive. And then he was going to kick his ass for causing him so much damn confusion.

And then he might apologize.

Maybe.

A/N: Okay so I couldn't work in any actual Shido/Ban this time around…. But there is a 100 chance of it in the next one… because I'll give you a hint…. It's not Ginji OR Raitei that catches Ban first. ;) …. So I'll write the next part soon as possible. PLEASE REVIEW, it makes me feel special!


	3. Alone

Note: I'm SO sorry for leaving this hanging for so long! I got pneumonia earlier in the summer, and it landed me in the hospital. I've been completely out of commission since mid July. But, I'm home now and finally able to write down and upload this chapter. WHEW.

To all my reviewers: Rhea, Blackangeltwin1, Hakushuku Cain, animewolfgurl, Katrina, toot, E-san, Lorien Lupin, Ivaeddia, and my ever faithful **fallingfarther**… Thank you SO MUCH! Your support means the world to me…. And has made me eager to finally be well enough to write more. Hope I don't disappoint you all now!

So… on to the story.

Standard disclaimers apply.

****

****

**_Chapter Four: Alone_**

She wasn't sure what she'd been expecting upon entering the mind of Midou Ban, but Himiko was positive that it was this. Everything was dark—pitch black. For weeks before the anniversary of this day, the young woman had planned for the moment that she would force her way in. She had spent every sleepless night lying awake, wondering what nightmare her brother's murderer would unleash on her if given the chance. Maybe she was expecting something more eventful—more hateful—within the confines of the Evil Eye's cage.

Shaking dripping green hair from her eyes, Himiko took a confident step forward into the dark. She squinted her eyes as if she could expel the blackness from her vision. Fists clenched at her sides.

"Show him to me, murderer," she murmured to herself. The darkness trembled around her. "Pretend for just one minute that you ever gave a shit about us. Be something other than the lying snake you are for just **one **minute." Cracks formed in the black walls surrounding her. The air in her lungs—Ban's lungs maybe—shuttered. She pressed on, not to be denied. "You owe me this much, you arrogant son of a— "

The world around her collapsed, and she realized the nightmare had begun the moment she looked into Midou's eyes—sharp blue eyes that were suddenly staring across at her from the face of a younger Midou Ban that materialized from the dark. Her heart clenched as she recognized the familiar figure that stood motionlessly in front of her, shades sliding low on his nose. He looked as young as he did the moment Yamato brought him home…

… Yamato...

"What the hell is this, Midou," she croaked angrily. The figure smirked.

Himiko blinked, and suddenly she wasn't facing Midou Ban on her feet. She vaguely registered gravel and broken glass digging into her right side as she found herself lying on the hard ground of a building she didn't recognize. A wetness met her limp hand on the floor, and her dazed mind wondered if maybe it was raining here, too. Dark, sinister laughter rumbled across the walls of the empty building. A freezing chill shot through her still body.

Another blink and the master of the Evil Eye who looked so _painfully_ young was lying on his side as well, facing her. The wet sensation on her hand spread to knees and stomach, and Himiko only then realized that she was lying in a stream of cold, sticky blood—a stream spreading from a pool underneath Midou Ban's broken body, whose eyes were fixed on her in a lifeless glazed stare. She only then realized she couldn't remember looking Ban straight in the eyes before. She wondered if she had ever seen them before they were dead as they were now.

She wondered if her big brother had.

… Brother…

Himiko closed her eyes to the lifeless form of the young brunette on the dirty floor beside her and forced herself to growl out against the unwanted lump lodged in her throat. "_Enough,__" _echoed against the walls, erasing the remnants of the deep laughing that had just begun to recede. The echoes died and Himiko thought she would choke on the sudden silence. "Enough of your lies, you bastard." She wished she had enough control over herself to stand up. Or at least to stop the tremble in her hoarse voice. She bit her lip and glared into the dull blue eyes. "Show him to me."

And suddenly her beloved big brother was kneeling beside her, eyes clear and intelligent, but not soft the way they used to be when he looked at her. His eyes were sad—as close to despairing as she had ever seen. Himiko opened her mouth to ask her brother what was wrong, only to find her body erupting in pain. A gasp escaped as she tried to reach out to grab her brother's hand that wavered uncertainly over her—as if he was unsure if he could touch her.

Yamato pulled his hand back, and the girl's heart suddenly felt so terribly cold. She gazed up at him, silently begging to explain why he would not speak—why he wouldn't comfort her when she was in such agonizing pain. Her vision began to fade to black and she only then realized that Yamato, and everything around her, had been tinted purple.

The pounding weather was relentless on the streets of Shinjuku—relentless on the two figures racing down the otherwise deserted streets. The air was so think with rain that Shido didn't see his former emperor pull to a dead stop in front of him. It took all of his enhanced reflexes to avoid a head-on collision. The Beast Master stepped up beside the blond and rested a hand on his should in what he hoped was a gesture of reassurance. Reassurance for what, he wasn't quite sure.

Reassurance that they would find Ba—the Snake Bastard? Reassurance that he would be okay? Shido cursed himself for caring, although he was quickly resigning himself to the fact that he couldn't easily dismiss the concern that grew steadily in his chest. He turned to catch Ginji's gaze with a sympathetic smile as the former Raitei took stock of their location. Shido was surprised and confused to see the same expression reflected back at him through rain-soaked blond bangs.

"Ginji-san… what—" he blurted, but Ginji was already shaking his head and seemed to be calculating a path through the gloomy streets. _Getbackers Super Radar,_ Ginji had jokingly explained it to him once many months back. _I always know how to find Ban-chan, and Ban-chan finds me whenever I'm lost. Getbackers always get back each other!_ he had exclaimed brightly. This night, however, Amano Ginji was anything but bright and cheerful.

"He needs me, Shido-kun," he murmured quietly, almost inaudible under the sound of the pummeling rain. "I felt it. I felt it _so _bad. But now…" he turned hopelessly lost eyes on the Beast Master and whispered, Now I don't feel him at all… I don't… I can't feel him…" A cold chill ran down Shido's spine. If Ginji could not feel his partner—his other half—then there was no telling what fate had befallen the brunette. Shido forgot to tell himself not to care as he grabbed the blond's arm and resumed their dash in what he could only hope was the right direction. November rain had never felt so cold in his life.

Himiko opened her eyes to find herself standing in the corner of a room she thought she would never see again. Finally able to move her body once again, she reached out and braced an arm against the wall as the familiar scent of cigarettes and oddly comforting spices invaded her senses. Yellowing walls glowed with the first rays of reddish sun that pushed through the shuttered windows. It was dawn, then, she decided. It was exactly as she remembered it, and the realization caused the subdued anger and hatred that had been momentarily calmed in her heart to flare once again.

The anger grew tenfold when she looked to the large bed in another corner of the room to see Midou lying on his side once again. Yamato sat in a chair that she distantly remembered as being one from her room, and watched what Himiko could only assume was a sleeping Ban. His back was turned to her so the girl could not tell if he was alive, let alone asleep. She could see the face of her brother, however, and the dream of finally seeing Yamato alive once again—even if only in a dream—was enough to draw her closer to the scene.

As she stepped closer to the bed, she saw that Midou was in fact alive. His body moved ever so slightly, but it was enough for Himiko to temporarily dismiss the image of the broken, bloody, lifeless Ban from the previous vision. With the dismissal came another surge of hatred, reminding her why she had confronted and fought Midou in the first place.

The murderer had the nerve to try and confuse her with these lies! The compassionate expression on her brother's face as he gazed down at the boy from his seat beside the bed made Himiko want to scream. She wanted to run to her brother and shake him, to tell him to get rid of the bastard while he still could! She wanted to attack the Jagan master now while his guard was down—show Yamato the truth about him before the snake could charm his way into their lives with his strange, subtle accent or roguish charm.

Her desire for blood and vengeance melted into confusion almost as quickly as it had arisen, as she stepped up beside her brother by the bed. So Midou _hadn't _killed himself off in this illusion. His bare, trembling shoulders were visible from this side of the bed, and Himiko held her breath as her brother tentatively put out a hand as if to brush a stray wisp of brown hair behind Ban's ear. The hand hovered mere inches away from actual contact. Ban, looking smaller and more vulnerable than she ever remembered seeing him, was trying to reach out to grab the hand that never made contact. Pain showed clearly in his too-bright eyes, and Himiko remembered the moments of agony she experienced in her body only moments ago in Midou's earlier illusion.

…When Yamato pulled his hand away and settled back in his chair with a sad sigh, the coldness set into Himiko's heart as well. She was sure that her body, left back on the streets of Shinjuku, must be crying. Although she wasn't sure if the tears were hers or not. Maybe it was just the rain.

The room and everything in it was suddenly gone, replaced by a rapid fire of scenes and images that swirled around Himiko like a vortex. She took a quick moment to curse herself for voluntarily entering the mind of the obviously psychotic Midou Ban before the force of the nightmare swept her off her feet. Floating adrift at the mercy of the Evil Eye, Himiko wondered if even Midou Ban was at the mercy of his own mind.

_An image of Ban's introduction to Himiko flashed by. He flashed a cocky grin and made a sarcastic remark, but she wasn't distracted this second time around from the finger-shaped bruises along his neck…_

_Their first retrieval mission… Yamato had let her try out her latest poison, and when it accidentally exploded, Ban laughed hysterically the whole way home. Yamato called them immature kids. Why hadn't she noticed that subtle wink to Midou before?_

_A new city, a new apartment. Ban cooked one night, and actually smiled a real smile when Yamato asked for seconds. She had been denied any more food because she had caught the look and laughed saying he was going soft. She couldn't remember seeing him smile like that again. _

_Ban returned to their temporary home after a three week absence. Himiko hadn't noticed how tense her brother had been until Midou came strolling in one night. By the sudden happiness that slipped past Yamato's calm mask, Himiko had almost expected her brother to glomp the arrogant bastard. But he merely nodded to Midou and turned to make some coffee. Ban looked lost for a moment before he wandered over to her and stole a pocky from her box._

The images came faster and Himiko's eyes stung with the effort to keep up. Or maybe her body really was crying somewhere. She hoped to any gods that might be listening that the visions were lies, created by the demented mind of her brother's killer, and not true memories. She didn't think she could handle anymore. Her heart was going to explode.

_Yamato passing Ban in the hall of their tiny house in Osaka. A spare glance as their shoulders accidentally touch._

_Ban standing in a doorway, watching Yamato toss in a fitful sleep on his bed._

_Banged up and bloody after a hard retrieval. Ban refusing help from Yamato. Shoving Himiko away when she reaches for his shoulder. Exhausted and cold. "Leave me alone, Hi-chan."_

_Ban and Yamato lying on her brother's bed. Inches apart but not touching. "Himiko will be home soon."_

_"Yea, I know." Neither moves, but the room suddenly feels unbearably somber._

_Cigarette smoke drifting into a dark night sky, glowing embers illuminating two drawn faces. _

_"I'm a curse, you know."_

_"I know. So am I."_

_An infuriating smirk. An uncaring shrug. Purple glasses pushed up high. Green hair darker than hers blowing in a light wind. _

_Aimless chords from two guitars drifting down the hall in the middle of the night._

Himiko reeled at the visions. Ban and Yamato were hardly so close back then… were they? Ban was barely with them for a year, and was often gone when he was. He was like an extra brother that happened to wander in from time to time and annoy her, or pick a fight with Yamato. What was the bastard trying to pull--?

Suddenly the images froze back on the bedroom. The illusion around her began to shake, and she could tell that Midou was struggling to stop it—to build the black walls back up around her. Around her brother. Around himself. But it was already too late, Himiko recognized every detail about the room, this day. Yamato appeared, struggling for breath, alone in the room, and Himiko began to wish she had never wanted to see this. Tears poured down her face and her ragged breathing subconsciously synced with that of her brother. This is where the blood would come. Where even the master of nightmares and illusions could not cover up what her had done. This is where she would see the true colors of Midou Ban and his heartless soul. She would see her brother die at the hands of a fraud. The tears were almost blinding and she wished she had a way out. She didn't **want **to see it anymore…

But it was too late, because there was Midou, walking into the room. She remembered that. Ban had just made fun of her cooking again, and wandered off.

Himiko felt sick to her stomach.

_Yamato glanced up at Ban as he slid into the room. "Still fighting, I see?" he asked, his voice strained. _

Himiko looked on, and fully expected the brunette to turn and viciously strike her brother when it became obvious he had noticed the weakness in his voice. She held her breath and wished to god she could turn away. The vision began to shudder again—dimming as if Midou was trying to shut out the memory once again.

_"What's wrong, Yama?" the younger Ban asked. His voice was wrong. Himiko had never heard it so quiet—so concerned. Why didn't her brother looked phased?_

Yamato clenched at his chest, and looking on Himiko thought she would die herself. "Don't try to pretend like you give a shit about him, Midou!" she cried out to the illusion Ban. "Stop pretending!" she screamed in hatred, but the scene playing out before her was completely unaffected.

_"Ban, listen to me."_

_Ban took a hasty step forward at the desperate tone. "Yamato what's going on?" His brows drew together as he watched the elder Kudo sibling battling with himself. _Himiko, too, frowned. She had never considered that her brother was ill or injured when Midou killed him. What game was the Jagan master playing? _Ban flinched and tensed violently when Yamoato's hand shot out to grab the front of his shirt. Yamato pulled Ban's face down to his level where he had suddenly sagged to the ground._

The words were hushed and Himiko found herself involuntarily drawn closer to the dreaded scene to hear. _"Take… care of Himiko… okay?" Yamato ground out, determined in his stare through Midou's glasses. Midou looked stunned._

_"Yamato, what the fuck…?" Ban looked torn between pulling away and drawing closer. _Himiko mind froze up. Her heart stopped. Just what the hell was going on? What WAS this?

_Yamato pulled harder so that Ban's nose pressed against his. "I can't hold it off anymore..." Ban's eyes widened and he shook his head quickly but Yamato wouldn't relent. "Promise me, Ban. That when her turn comes… you'll help her. Promise… me that you'll be there for her…"_

_"You can help her yourself 'cause you're **not**__going anywhere, you here me?" Ban growled out in desperation. "Now snap out of it, you asshole! You wouldn't leave Himiko behind like that, would you! Snap **out** of it!" His voice wavered as he sunk to his knees before the fallen Kudo._

Himiko stood, numb and unable to move. What was this? What did this have to do with her? What did Yamato mean by "when her turn comes" ? What was he talking about? And just what was going on here? This was all wrong! She was **sure** her body, wherever it was, had stopped breathing. What **was** this! Midou had killed her brother. Had disappeared and left her alone because he was a heartless bastard. He had killed her brother in cold blood like the cold-blooded murderer he was. And she had spent three long and horribly painful years storing up her hatred for an explosion—had spent the last four rainy days drowning in her despair and her need to take revenge on such a monstrous demon of a man who had dared to betray her trust.

So when she watched as Yamato's pained eyes softened at Midou, and shaking hands gently cupped the boy's face, Himiko felt the past three years of her life crumbling away…

_"I'm sorry… Ban."_

… And when she watched Ban slam his fists into the bedroom floor instead of into her brother, and lift glassy, begging eyes up to meet her brother's, Himiko felt a truth break through an illusion she was living in for the past three years of her life…

_"You're stronger than this, idiot. Don't be so stupid," a small, young voice croaked, but Ban already knew it was a lost cause. Yamato seized up before him, pain exploding in his features and frame._

_"Promise me, Ban," Yamato forced out. _

_"I promise. I'll help her, when she needs it," was whispered in return. The room was suddenly cast in shadows, swarming and cutting out the light. _

_Yamato shuddered and pulled himself into the lone chair by the bed, leaving Ban kneeling on the floor. "…Promise me, Ban."_

_"I already promised you! Don't say it aga—"_

_"Promise that you'll… forgive me…" The shadows crawled forward, almost upon him._

_"Yama… wha—"_

_"I'm sorry, Ban… that I never…" A darkness descended on him and Yamato gasped out in pain for the first time. "SHIT. Ban, I need you to kill me! PLEASE, Ban!"_

Himiko's jaw dropped. Tears began anew as she watched her brother beg for death. She tried to close her eyes, but the scene played out even across the darkness of her closed lids. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. There wasn't supposed to be something wrong with her brother! He wasn't supposed to be giving up! Midou should have plunged his hand into his heart upon first sight. Then her mission would have been clear! It was what she needed, what she'd been counting on—preparing herself for!

_Ban was on his feet in an instant, backing away even as he yelled out at Yamato, "What the hell! There's no way! Don't you dare do this, Yama!" He was shaking his head violently, eyes obviously clenched tightly closed even behind dark glasses. Yamato looked up at him, and as if sensing the gaze Ban pulled off his sunglasses to stare directly into Kudo Yamato's eyes. _

_"I'm sorry, Ban… I'm so sorry I didn't…" _

_Ban cut him off as he marched up to Yamato and shook him—albeit gently—by the shoulders. "Don't.. don't you dare leave Himiko like this…" His voice broke. "Don't leave me alone, Yama… Don't make me do this. I **WON'T**." Yamato lifted his head and pressed his lips to Ban's in the lightest of touches. The walls of the bedroom shook._

_"You have to, Ban! Please!" The darkness grew and clawed at Yamato's body. "Do it. Do it **now**! Remember your promise… and remember… that I love y—" His muscles froze. His eyes flashed a deep red. "**BAN**!"_

_A harsh sob resounded in the room, and in a flash of blood Midou Ban killed Yamato. The shadows dissipated as if they'd never been there. The dawn sun filtered in through the windows, painting the room orange. Kudo Yamato was dead._

Himiko's sobs fell silent in the room. She fell back against the far wall of the room, as far away from her brother's lifeless body and the bloodstained Midou Ban. Her head was spinning. This was it. This is what happened. She wished she had never left her dark apartment that morning. She preferred the hollow, lifeless feeling that had swallowed her heart for three years, to the overflow of confusing emotion and turmoil that buried her right now.

She thought the nightmare would be over. She thought that she would die herself if it didn't end. But it wasn't _her_ nightmare, and it wasn't over yet.

The rain was almost letting up. Shido only knew this because he actually saw Ginji pull to a stop this time. If his heart hadn't been pounding so hard he might have taken the time to consider this the first good sign of the day. If his head wasn't still ringing with regret and inexplicable worry, he may have taken the time to breath. But when Ginji's form erupted in sparks and head snapped to the left, he didn't question it and took off once again at full speed beside his former emperor.

"We're close, Shido-kun," Ginji somehow managed to get out between pants. The blond was completely focused on the figurative light at the end of the tunnel that was his partner. "If Ban-chan is okay," he huffed, "You better," pant "not make him sad."

"As if I didn't feel bad enough," Shido grumbled to himself. His hearing picked up a strange wail on the wind, and he abruptly veered to the left. He vaguely registered Ginji skidding and shifting to follow him, which was confirmed when he heard "BAN-CHAN!" ring out from behind.

And sure enough, just barely visible four blocks down in the rain, was Himiko and Ban. Both were standing as far as he could tell—Himiko gripping Ban's face, her shoulders frozen rigid.

Three blocks. Ginji was lagging further behind. Shido glanced back briefly to see him watching the pair up ahead with a hand rubbing at his chest. The sparks trickling over his body were becoming more pronounced. _Great_, Shido thought, _This can't be a good sign_.

Two blocks. He began to see that Midou was swaying on his feet; began to hear that the wail on the wind was a cry from Himiko.

One block. The girl's grip loosened. Midou was falling. Shido's eyes widened to the point of being painful, and before he knew it, he had reached the feuding pair—had caught the limp Midou Ban in his arms. Ginji's frantic calls suddenly seemed so far away. Shido slid to his knees on the gravelly pavement, bringing the frighteningly light body of Midou with him. What the hell was he doing? An image of Ban sitting so silently in the Honky Tonk, small and rumpled, flashed through his mind. _Heartless._

Himiko stood heavily against her brother's room. God, how she'd grown to hate this room. She thought she would be sick if Midou's nightmare didn't take her brother's corpse away. But he didn't he didn't move. Ban stood perfectly still, exactly where he had been for many long minutes, staring down at his bloodied right hand. From her spot against the wall, Himiko could see Ban's face. She didn't remember that three years ago. Of course, back then she only had eyes for the lifeless body of her only family.

Today, however, she saw Midou's expression and wanted to die herself. Himiko was familiar with Ban's characteristic blank stare. But the empty, horrifying blankness in the face of the brunette standing over her brother was stunning. The tears that collected behind slipping purple glass were terrifying. This was no smirking, soulless monster that she had convinced herself of. And she hated. Whether she hated Ban for allowing her to dwell on the lie or herself for falling so easily into it, she wasn't sure.

Oh, why wouldn't the nightmare end. Where was the end of the Jagan's one minute? Why wouldn't Ban move?

And then the door to the room burst open, and Himiko saw a younger version of herself burst through, soaked from the rain that had suddenly started outside on her way home from school. She had to cover her ears against her own scream of horror. But when, moments later, her screams turned into violent, heart-wrenching shouts and curses, there was no way to block them out. They echoed and repeated and intensified as the room shrunk in on itself, walls shaking.

Her younger self disappeared, but the voice remained and surrounded herself and Ban who was yet to move.

_WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!_

_YOU FUCKING MONSTER!_

_CURSED!_

_SNAKE!_

_HOW COULD YOU! WE TRUSTED YOU!_

_DEVIL!_

_GET OUT! GET **OUT** AND DON'T YOU DARE COME BACK!_

_NO! DON'T LOOK AT HIM! HOW **DARE**_ _YOU LOOK AT HIM!_

_MONSTER!_

_**MONSTER!**_

The words wouldn't stop. The screeching broken record of tearing, biting, horrible words grew louder and louder. Himiko disappeared. A deceptively small hand tore into a dark chest. Over. And over.

_I'LL KILL YOU, YOU DEMON!_

A harsh sob reverberating in the room just before blood sprayed and shadows withdrew. A quick Snakebite. Over. And Over.

_WE TRUSTED YOU! MONSTER!_

More voices joined her own. Faces flashed in rapid succession. Numerous Beltliners. Random thugs. Terrified enemies. Victims of the Snakebite and Jagan.

_YOU DESERVE TO DIE, DEMON!_

_SON OF THE DEVIL!_

_**MONSTER!**_

Emishi. Kazuki. Makubex. Gen.

_DANGEROUS…_

_COLD HEARTED…_

_STAY AWAY FROM HIM, GINJI!_

Ginji.

_Don't be sad, Ban-chan…_

Himiko's breath caught. Yamato.

_Don't forget… I love y—_

Shido's face appeared and Himiko didn't know what to think.

_Heartless…_

_Pretending…_

_Heartless…_

_Heartless._

And then everything faded back to black. First Ban. Then the room. Then the voices. And the nightmare was over.

The rain had stopped. Everything had stopped, it seemed. Strangely accustomed to the stillness on the street, Shido nearly jumped to his feet at the hand that came to rest on his shoulder. He tore his gaze away from the Snake Bastard in his arms to look up and see Ginji, looking solemnly at his unconscious partner. The blond was still absently rubbing at his chest over his heart. Shido raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I can feel him again," Ginji whispered. "I… I was so scared that he…" he seemed to drop off at that thought and looked over Shido's shoulder. The Beast Master followed his look to see Kudo Himiko—he had forgotten she was there—awake and staring down at Ban.

"I…" she murmured, before she too began to sway. Ginji caught her swiftly. With one last glance at his partner, draped across Shido's lap, he turned and headed back towards the Honky Tonk. Shido stood effortlessly with Midou's arm draped across his shoulders. He turned and only then noticed that Ban's eyes were open and unfocused, staring at nothing.

"Oi, Midou…" Shido began, but thought better of it and followed after Ginji. Better to check on Ginji, the girl, and Ban all secure in the café. Better to confront his guilt and worry within closed walls, where his animal friends wouldn't hear and intervene.

Better to apologize when Midou was actually capable of listening. One glance at the cold, blank face of the Jagan master told him that he wasn't sure when that would be. And that he wasn't sure he was ready to find out what the hell happened today, on the anniversary of Kudo Yamato's death.

But somehow, one glance also told him that something was wrong with him… He had found the Snake Bastard for Ginji, like he meant to. But the knot in his stomach did not loosen. Shido quickened his pace as much as he could without forcefully dragging the unresponsive Midou with him. He had to get to the Honky Tonk. Had to get Midou back to Ginji, surely that would help? Had to keep moving or his mind would catch up to him, and he was sure he'd feel a lot worse.

_Hell of a day_, he thought to himself. He bit the inside of his cheek, cursing himself with everything he had, for not staying home today.

Midou Ban just made everything SO complicated. He was surprised to find himself oddly warmed by the thought.

_Definitely should have stayed in bed._

TBC.

Author's Note: Okay this REALLY took longer than I meant it to… but I had to get that all out, with Himiko, or it would fester in my head and the story would seem like it was missing something to me. This is as far as I can go right now though, I think I'm about to pass out like Himiko, or go zombie like Ban. I'm trying hard to get back on track.

READ AND REVIEW! Pleeeeeeease! Thanks in advance to anyone who's stuck through this story for me! More soon as I can… FINALLY some REAL Shido x Ban moments. Or at least a one-sided Shido - Ban for the next chapter. We'll see. Let me know what you think!


	4. Guilt

Okay so I moved in September, got a new job in March, lost the love of my life in April, and have been working my ass off ever since. Thank you SO SO much to my reviewers who have stuck by my story, and even continue to leave comments. I'll officially thank you next chapter.

This one's just a filler to get myself going again. I'll get the really story (after this 4 chapter intro) going after this. I just needed to kick start myself again. So, real thank yous next time, but in the meantime, please let me know if this is okay! I'm worried I'll suck after so long L

Chapter Four: Guilt

The feeling in the air just after a heavy rain had always been strange to Fuyuki Shido. It was an atmosphere that silenced his animal friends, stilled the world, and trapped the air. Today Shido valiantly tried to focus on the thick, chilling mist that clung to his body as he quickly stalked back across town; dutifully tried to keep his fast-pace emperor in sight as the blond raced back to the Honky Tonk with the small figure of Himiko in his arms. But the slight weight on his own arm dispelled all other sensations to the point that he could barely feel himself moving.

_Don't look, just keep moving_, he told himself in a continuous mantra. _Don't look at him, don't talk, just keep moving…_ Shido couldn't bear to look down at Midou Ban for fear of doing or saying something completely stupid. Today had been a strange day, after all. The fact that he wasn't sure whether the odd feeling in his chest was telling him to punch Ban for causing everyone so much trouble, or compelling him to kiss the damn Snake Bastard in relief for finding him alive was uncomfortable.

So caught up in his mission to not think and not look down, Shido didn't register that Midou had begun to move his legs as well; was slowly and definitely unsteadily walking beside him. _Don't look, you idiot. Just keep moving_. Shido forced himself not to acknowledge the change. He couldn't stop himself from noting that it wasn't much of a change, honestly… The Snake Bastard barely weighed a thing even as dead weight, he hadn't noticed that he'd stopped leaning as heavily.

…_An image of Midou sitting by the window at the Honky Tonk, small and rumpled…_

He clenched his eyes closed when he caught his head shifting down and to the side.

Seven blocks back to the Honky Tonk. A fog had settled over the city. The sound of four shuffling, stuttering feet echoed harshly off old dirty buildings and walls. Shido felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. His eyes snapped open to see Ginji stopped two blocks ahead of them. Shido stopped, halting Midou, and raised a questioning eyebrow at the slightly obscured figure of the Lightning emperor. The blond's eyes were focused on Ban. The expression on his face was impossible for Shido to place, but for some reason the Beast Master's muscles sang with tension and he almost took a step forward in front of Ban—an impulse that he was _sure_ would bother him to no end later—to block him. But before his instincts could cause him any uncomfortable situations later, Ginji turned again and disappeared from view. _Fucking strange_, Shido cursed. He wished he would wake up already.

It was getting darker on the streets. Shido vaguely wondered if they would reach the café before night came. Had so much time passed already. Still seven blocks to the Honky Tonk. He realized he hadn't begun moving yet. The strange, painful, _angry_ look in Ginji's eyes a moment ago came to mind. For the first time, Shido caught himself thinking that maybe bringing Midou to Ginji might be a bad idea.

The arm draped across his shoulders, and the thin body attached to it, tensed weakly and before Shido could stop himself he glanced down at the brunette. There was little he could see beyond the mass of brown hair plastered to the shorter man's head and the sopping wet gray sweatshirt. If it wasn't for the slight tension he felt rippling through the retriever's body, Shido would have sworn that Ban had passed out again. Then the smaller man's head shifted ever so slightly, causing a stray lock of hair to slide from his face, and Shido nearly chocked on the breath he'd pulled in.

Midou was staring two blocks ahead at the space which had occupied Ginji and the unconscious Himiko. He wore the same blank expression that Shido remembered from the Honky Tonk this morning. But it wasn't the expression alone that startled the Beast Master. Even though Midou was not looking at him, even in the dark, even with the thick fog closing around them, Shido caught a glimpse of a blank, hooded, naked eye. Shido's head snapped up again, his breath stopped in his throat. _Jesus fucking Christ_, he mentally spat as he started walking towards the café once again, decidedly faster. He felt rather than saw Midou's head tilt downwards again, and was embarrassed by the sudden surge of relief that crept up his spine. He'd been the victim of the Jagan master's evil eye countless times, but Shido could not recall a time when he had witnessed the blue of his eyes without an accompanying nightmare.

He preferred the nightmares… the slight cut of the deepest blue he'd ever seen pulsed in his mind with every footfall on the pavement. It was a throb that boomed like a second heartbeat in his ears.

_Evil…_

Step

_Dangerous…_

Step

_Demonic…_

Step

_Bewitching..._

Step

_Unearthly…_ step _Intriguing…_ step step _Captivating… _step step step step _Beautiful… beautiful….._

Shido didn't even realize he was just short of running the last few blocks as the Honky Tonk came into view. He didn't realize that he was practically dragging the slight weight of Ban as he fled from the one word echoing in his mind that he _never_ wanted to associate with the man, no, _boy_, who stole away his emperor. Yet still, he could not outrun the voice in his head that spoke out in wonder. _Fucking beautiful…_

It wasn't until he was just across the street from the café—its dull glow in the mist only slightly revealing the huddled figures inside—that he slowed his pace and allowed a few ragged breaths in the now chilled air before regaining his composure. There was no need, he decided, to look as stressed as he felt. Just as he was taking a final steadying breath, the thin arm of Midou slipped from around his shoulder and Ban took one wavering step backwards, further into the shadows away from the light of the Honky Tonk. Completely against his own intensions, Shido turned to regard Midou with a raised eyebrow. And again completely against his intensions, he looked directly into two blue eyes that stared right back at him. Ban's eyes, glazed and haunted, gleamed like beacons in the darkness of the street, and Shido was suddenly reminded of Ginji telling him that this Midou Ban was like the light that lead him from the dark. He was almost overcome by the urge to enclose that tiny body and those haunting eyes in his arms to pull Midou from the shadows.

Almost.

The Beast Master shook his head to clear it of the spell he was sure was being cast upon him. One glace at the rest of the shorter man reminded him that they really needed to get inside. The bone-thin frame shook slightly in the dark mist of the street, and swayed as if moved by a breeze that was not blowing.

"Midou," Shido began hesitantly as he took a step closer to him, "Let's get inside." Ban had retreated a step back and Shido averted his gaze while he grabbed for him and pulled Ban's arm back around his shoulders. The slim body tensed violently against him, but Shido had had enough… he _had_ to get the _Snake Bastard_ inside and then he had to get out of there and back to normal. Today was just too fucking much. He ignored the fact that he wasn't sure he should bring Midou back to Himiko whom the _Snake Bastard_ had been viciously fighting, it seemed. He brushed off his concern at the strange emotion and prickling aura that had been rolling off his emperor as he had gazed at Midou in the street. He closed off his heart to the weak pull of Ban's arm as he tried to stay in the darkness of the street.

They reached the front door of the Honky Tonk, and Shido shoved it open and pulled Midou inside. The lights were dimmed, casting an eerie glow across the small space. Shido let Ban's arm slip from his shoulders once again, but this time _did_ step slightly in front of him. All activity in the café halted the moment they stepped inside. The sudden silence was only broken by the soft sniffling of Himiko, whom Shido vaguely registered seemed awake and unharmed. Physically. The tension was too much. It wasn't even aimed at him, but he felt strangled. Paul stood behind his counter, and it appeared he'd been in the process of brewing coffee a moment ago, but now his eyes seems frozen on Ban by the doorway. Shido could almost detect movement behind those dark sunglasses, critically and subtly scanning Midou for injury. Natsumi was sitting with Himiko at one of the booths with an arm around the shaking girl's shoulders. Ginji… well Ginji stood by the bar and seemed to have been speaking with Paul, but his eyes were only for Ban. Again, the look in his eye caused the hair on Shido's next to rise. The Beast Master prayed that someone would say something to cut the silence.

Then, Himiko rose from her seat at the booth. "Himiko-san…" Natsumi began, but Himiko just stood and walked towards Shido and Ban in the doorway. Paul tensed, and Ginji just looked incredibly sad for a moment. It was the strangest thing, to see Himiko's shell crumble with every step she took. Her dark eyes filled, lip began to tremble, hands clenched at her side shook.

"Ban…" she whispered out, and then the dam broke. A sob escaped her raw throat and she ran the last few steps, throwing herself to Midou. Shido was thrown to the side in surprise, and by the force of the anguish in the young woman's voice. He watched in complete surprise as her arms wrapped around Midou's neck in a vice-grip and she buried her face against his chest. Her sobs were unsettling. Her cries were troubling. But the words she gasped out, where… baffling.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Aniki, I'm sorry," she cried. "Please forgive me, I'm sorry!"

Shido noticed that Natsumi seemed as confused as he did. Paul, however, looked as though he understood everything which somehow ignited a tiny spark of jealousy that Shido was not sure he wanted to think about.

Himiko's broken sobs broke the stillness of the café. Paul moved to shuffle through the supply closet in the back of the shop. Natsumi stood and went to Ginji, who wrapped an arm around her waist, but did not look away from his silent partner. Ban… Ban stood stiffly, head turned down and away from the girl. His eyes were clenched tight, and his body was as still as that of an animal ready to flee.

"Why," choked Himiko, still not raising her face from Ban's soaked chest, "Why didn't you tell me? Why?? I'm so sorry" she repeated. Over and over. "Why did you let me?" Sob. "How could you let me hate you?" Over and over again. A mantra that caused Natsumi to tear up in confusion from beside Ginji. Words that caused Ginji's shoulders to slump and his eyes to bore into Midou.

Shido was snapped out of his cloud of bewilderment as Paul stepped up beside him and started nudging at his arm. He turned a questing eye towards the older man, and followed his gaze back down to his own shoulder. Which was covered in blood. Shido's eyebrows rose to his forehead; he wasn't hurt. Oh right, Midou. He just looked at Paul, and jerked his head towards the still silent Bad, trapped in Himiko's awkward, desparate embrace. Paul just nodded, and moved towards the pair with a first aid box clutched under one arm.

"Himiko," he quietly addressed the girl, "You have to let him go." The only answer he got was the continuous crying that bounced around the walls of the café. Paul sighed and shot a look at Natsumi, who seemed to understand and quickly nodded and rushed to Himiko.

"Sensei's right, Himiko-san, Ban-san needs to get fixed up," she implored. Himiko's head rose at this, and she looked at Ban as if seeing him for the first time that night. As she released her hold on him, she stepped back and really looked him over. He was paler than she'd ever seen him _Outside of that Jagan anyway,_ her mind spoke up, but she willed the images of the dream away. His eyes remained averted to the side, his limp hair clinging to this head and face. And his neck, covered in blood… she vaguely remembered the knife she'd thrown. And then she distinctly remembered him standing there as it flew towards him. _He wanted me to kill him…_ her mind finally digested. She stumbled backwards with wide, terrified eyes. _I WANTED to hill him_, her mind reminder her.

_"And don't forget… I love y--"_

Himiko stumbled back one last step, straight into Shido, who just placed a hand on her shoulder. "You alright, kid?" Shido asked as wild dark eyes flew up at him. She just turned her gaze back to Midou without saying a word, but Shido could feel the darkness swirling around the girl and Ba—the Snake Bastard. What the hell had happened out there, he wondered as Paul put a firm hand on Midou's small shoulder and began leading him towards the back of the café.

"Look after Himiko, you two," he said while tossing a look at Natsumi and Shido. "We'll get him fixed up in no time." He and Ban disappeared behind the counter and Shido was strangely disappointed that those blue eyes didn't open again to look at him before disappearing. Meanwhile Ginji lingered behind and turned to focus on Shido.

"Shido-kun," he started, but then paused as if he was unsure of what he wanted to say… what he _needed _to say. "If… if you ever say those things to Ban-chan again, I will hurt you." Shido blinked at that, not knowing how to take it. "I don't want to, and you know you're my friend and that I'd do anything for you. But… if you _ever_ talk to Midou-san like you did today…" Ginji's eyes got hard and cold, and Shido knew that for a brief moment, he was looking at his Raitei. No longer Ginji. "Don't make me do something I'll regret, Shido." And then the moment was over. Ginji was there once again, almost smiling apologetically before disappearing to follow his partner.

Shido released a long breath, and looked down to see Himiko rubbing still-falling tears from her eyes, and Natsumi staring worriedly between Himiko and the door.

"Well then, let's sit," Shido murmured to the two girls. He closed his eyes and viciously rubbed the bridge of his nose. It was going to be a long night. _A fucking long night_, he thought to himself as his mind reeled with images of himself bullying Midou that morning, and flashes of ghostly blue eyes that cracked his heart that night.

….AUTHOR'S NOTE…. Okay, so much more talking and interaction and Ginji/Ban conversation, and Ban/Shido… something. I'll get it out as soon as possible! I'm really not happy with the way this one turned out, but I rushed through it, so SORRY!!! I'll do better in the next one!


	5. Mine

Okay it's been years, literally. I stopped writing for a long time, and have been struggling to pick this back up ever since. But since I was asked (thanks for the nudge, JBubbles), I'm going to give this a try tonight. If this works out decently, at the very least, I'll try to keep it going. I know where I want it to go... there's just a lot going on and it's tough to motivate myself to sit and write. But... here we go!

Starting this one with Shido's POV, then shifting slightly to get the Ginji-Ban story behind closed doors.

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**Chapter Five: Mine**

The Honky Tonk was hit with incredibly awkward silence as Paul and Ban, and then Ginji disappeared into the back room of the café. The rain had sufficiently died away, leaving a dark misting gloom outside the tightly shut door and windows. Inside, the lights were left dimmed, casting a soft yellow glow across the almost empty space. A tension settled over the three remaining occupants like a still, looming shadow waiting to descend and take over, or to be dispelled.

Shido sat alone at the counter, hand fidgeting with a stray napkin and eyes trained on the door that had closed behind his lightning emperor. _If you _ever _talk to Midou-san like that again…_ The Beast Master shook the image of Raitei's cold eyes from his mind. He tapped his fingers nervously against the countertop in attempt to distract himself from the strange, nervous tightness building in his lungs. He knew that Ginji was on edge; he'd seen that first thing this morning when the Get Backers wandered into the café. But, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, that he had seen something in the blond's eyes today that he had not seen before. The glances to his partner's still form hunched over an untouched cigarette, the visible tension in his shoulders at being left behind… the dark look from down the street.

A sneeze sounded in the stillness to his left, breaking his train of thought and bringing his focus back to Kudo Himiko, bundled into a booth and staring with glassy eyes down at her clasped hands. In the stifling tension of the cafe, Shido was struck with an unnerving realization that she sat like a dark, humorless parody of the Snake Bastard from early that morning. Unmoving. Unfocused. _Wrong._ Except the girl's stare wasn't empty like Midous... No. With every blink of the Beast Master's eyes, he could swear the trauma, horror, and despair in Himiko's eyes grew more and more overpowering. The tears had stopped, and in their place flowed heart-stopping pain, and Shido had absolutely no idea how to even begin handling that.

"_Look after Himiko, you two" _Paul had said. Right. He tore his eyes away from the girl when he realized he was staring. He'd be left to "take care" of a girl he barely spoke to on a regular basis, let alone on a day like today. The anniversary of her brother's death at the hands of... what? A partner? Coworker? He could still almost here the tortured sobs echoing off the walls of the Honky Tonk. Who was Ban to the girl? What had happened out there? Luckily he wasn't left on that train of thought for long, as he noticed Natsumi reemerge from behind the bar and slowly walk towards Himiko with what looked like a steaming cup of tea. _Hmph... at least one of us knows how to take care of her_, he thought. Watching as Himiko's gaze slid back up to the door leading to Paul's stock room, Shido again thought of Ginji's dark looks that day, and was frustrated to think that everyone in the building knew something he didn't.

"Himiko-chan..." Natsumi began quietly, approaching the girl as if she'd bolt, "Please, have some tea. We don't want you to get sick after being out there in the rain... Ban wouldn't want you to..." She trailed off at that, and too shifted her gaze to the door. But like Shido, her look was one of contemplation, concern, and outright confusion. _Maybe I'm not the _only _one without a clue, then_, the Beast Master thought to himself.

The tea was placed on the table when Natsumi figured that no answer would be coming from Himiko. Shido just watched passively as Natsumi fretted off to the side, washing the tea pot and generally trying to keep her hands busy. To both of their surprise, Himiko looked away from the door, picked up the tea cup, and slammed it down on the table, her eyes now positively brimming with self-directed rage. Natsumi dropped the tea pot in fright at the sudden disturbance in the room, and even Shido was jerked out of his thoughts, reeling around to Himiko.

"What Ban wants doesn't matter anymore!" She cried, "Don't you see that by now?" She stood, still clutching the cup, though the tea shook violently out of it with every tremor that ran through the girl's body. "I can't... I can't give him what he wants. I almost did..." Her mind flooded with flashes of fire and smoke. Merciless blows. A single blade cutting through rain and flesh. Haunted, desperate blue eyes, looking at her with resignation, sorrow, and most heartbreaking... thanks. "I ALMOST DID! So don't TELL me what Aniki wants! You don't... you have no idea..." She shook and choaked on her words, and Shido was at her side before even he knew what he was doing, hand firm on her shoulder to get her focus back.

"What happened out there, Himiko?" He asked in the tone reserved for wounded, frightened animals. Shido tried to convince himself it was just morbid curiosity that made him wait with baited breath to find out what had happened to Ban, but the clearing of the rain outside seemed to unmask his true thoughts even from himself. He couldn't pretend to be so callous in the face of so much. "What does Ban want, then? What's this all about?"

Himiko shuddered under his hand. The jagan - dream? memory? nightmare?- replaying through her mind without relief. At once, her back straightened, and while the tears once again began falling, her face lost it's manic, angry edge. Instead, she returned to looking overwhelmingly sad. Lost. "He wanted me to hate him. He let me hate him for what he... he just let me," she whispered, gazing at the stock room's door. "I swear... I didn't know. I... I never knew. How could I not know...?" Even Natsumi moved closer now, unable to hear the girl whispering to herself from more than 6 feet away. Himiko looked up, into Shido's confused eyes, and he almost, _almost _reflexively looked away from the pain. "Ban killed my brother." She let out a raspy, wheezing breath. "But Yamato... he... he killed Ban, too. And... I never knew..." More tears fell. And fell.

Natsumi pushed past Shido, shooting him a look that clearly said _no more questions right now, you idiot_, wrapped an unrelenting Himiko up in a hug and led her back to the booth to rest. Shido let the girls pass, having no idea how to process what he'd just heard, let along what had happened all day. When the two had settled, side by side, in a booth away from the spilled tea, Shido drifted back to the counter by the door. He leaned his head down on folder arms, too many voices, cries, and question echoing in his mind to think clearly.

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Aniki, I'm sorry"_

"_Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_But Yamato... he... he killed Ban, too..."_

"_Heartless, right, Midou?"_

"_Yamato... he died three years ago, today."_

"_If Ban-chan is okay, you better not make him sad."_

He thought that if he learned much more, his chest would explode. But at the same time, he knew that if he never learned more, his heart... no, his _guilt_, he stubbornly told himself, would suffocate him. With the silence restored to the cafe, with the exception of occasional sniffling from the booth, and with so many whirlwind thoughts puzzling their way through Shido's mind, he would later swear it was not his intention to let his focus wander. To let his superhuman hearing reach out. To overhear the words being spoken in the back stock room.

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Paul's stock room out back was bigger than a closet - often doubling as a crash room for the wayward Get Backers on rough days - but not what one would call large or spacious. There were no windows and no ventilation, and the air on a good day was thick and stifling. Ban had been led into the room and pushed gently but firmly onto the lumpy futon sofa against the far wall. While Paul moved to the center of the space to pull the light string and ignite the single lightbulb at the ceiling, Ginji came in and closed the door behind him, effectively blocking out the rest of the world. The first aid kit was reopened as Paul settled on the edge of the futon and began peeling away the torn, soaked layer of sweatshirt, and then the thin, once-white fabric of a shirt. The Jagan master sat passively, posture curved and elbows digging sharply into muscle and equally bony thighs. When the door clicked closed, his gaze shifted up to lock instantly with golden orbs as familiar as anything in the world to him. Less than half a second later, they quickly aborted and focused on a dirty patch of floor by his feet.

Ginji did not immediately move to sit by his partner. He remained at the door, leaned back and arms crossed over a still chest. His eyes were not the warm brown of Amano Ginji, but the intense, hollow and pale gold of the lightning emperor. Even from the door, he was a mere two feet away from Paul and three from Ban, and he stared down at the bowed head with unwavering focus. No words were spoken for many long, long minutes while Paul worked to clear away still flowing blood from a thin, blue-tinged neck, and later stitch torn flesh back together. There were no sounds in the small space, save for the slight creaking of the old futon frame as Paul shifted, the nearly silent clinking of metal tools, and then the airy, fluttering sound of gauze being unwound in the thick air.

That is, until a loud bang and cry were heard from the main space in the cafe. _What Ban wants doesn't matter anymore! Don't you see that by now? _It filtered through the thick walls of the storage room with muted pain and urgency. No one moved. The single lightbulb flickered slightly from the ceiling, a slight electric buzzing cutting through the stillness. More muffled cries from outside until they quieted and then stopped. Paul wound the gauze once more around the thin neck, then cut and tied it off with practiced efficiency, though his hand hovered over the weak pulse point a second, two, longer than necessary.

"She's right," a voice sounded. Ginji took a step into the room, no longer leaning against the door. Without breaking his gold, hollow eyes away from top of Ban's head, he shifted his body to tower over the Jagan master and eclipse the light of the bulb hanging overhead. Ban's stare remained firmly planted on the cracked, dusty surface of the floor by his left foot. "You know she's right. What you want, Midou-san," and Ban flinched ever so slightly at the address, "doesn't matter anymore." A golden tanned hand slipped forward, all rough skin and leather glove, and grasped his partner's chin to lift the unresponsive head. Thumb and forefinger pressing together to cut off any retreat. Blue eyes turned away and blinked closed, held tight.

"Your life does not belong to you, Midou-san," Raitei's lips spoke quietly, determinedly in the dark shadow cast by his own body. "Not anymore. Not for a long time."

Paul moved silently to the side, affording the pair as much privacy as he could without leaving them on their own or stepping out of arm's reach of Ban.

Raitei shook the chin in his hand, and the single light source seemed to flicker and crackle impatiently above his head. "We agreed. _You_ agreed. Your life is mine. Ginji's. And his yours. We agreed the moment you stepped out of Mugenjou. The moment I followed. The moment Ginji awakened." The hand under Ban's chin slid up to caress a pale cheek. "Do not leave us behind and think you can get away with it. Do not go out seeking death from someone else." Golden eyes flickered with the light in the room. Warming for just a moment.

"You will not die, Midou-san. Not until I allow it. No more scars unless I give them to you." A thumb traced a thin, dark eyebrow. "You promised. You're not allowed to leave me alone."

Ban's breath seemed to stutter in his chest, barely noticeable if not for the its vibration in the still, heavy air around him. _Don't leave me alone, Yama!_

Hooded blue eyes opened just enough to lock stares with the Raitei above him. "Your life is mine," the gold eyes whispered to Ban. "And mine is yours." Clouded blue eyes blinked slowly, coming back to life, if only a bit, as time ticked by.

A hoarse voice, raspy with disuse, gravelly with pain, sounded quietly. "Yours," it whispered. Cursed eyes opened fully as a careful mask of arrogance was shakily lifted back into place. "Now go away and bring back my idiot partner," Ban croaked. _You're not much of a partner type, I hear. _"I want to go home." A poor imitation of his usual smirk was settled on his face, while his eyes... frightened and deeply sad... gave him away.

Golden brown, affectionate and overwhelmingly concerned eyes met Ban's as Ginji knelt down to grasp his partner's face with both hands. "Okay, Ban-chan. Okay. Let's go home." They sat like that for a long moment while Paul shifted some boxes around and grabbed some spare blankets from a shelf.

"You two aren't going anywhere tonight. We all know your box doesn't have heat, and the last thing you need is to get sick." A thick blanket was dropped unceremoniously on Ginji's head while Paul headed to the door and pulled the light string on the way, draping the room in darkness. "Ginji, get your partner to lie down and get some rest, then come out front and I'll grab some food for you both. You can stay here tonight. We'll talk about your tab in the morning." The door opened and Paul slipped through before any protests could be uttered.

Once the room was bathed in pitch black again, Ginji slipped his hands from his partner's face, down his shoulders. One got a firm hold of him around his tense back, while the other reached down to gently trace a long, jagged scar hidden on the inside of his right forearm. Without a word, Ban finally let his head fall forward against Ginji's chest and the hot tears to fall, staining the warm, green vest under his cheek. For just one minute, Ban allowed himself to think that there were no choices. That he deserved to be alive. And that he wouldn't face his fears all over again, the moment he stepped outside his soul-brother's embrace; back into a dim cafe where he knew his little sister sat crying because of his mistakes. Where that damn Monkey Tamer sat waiting to gloat for being so right. He was a monster. At the mental image of the Beast Master's mouth turning down in a scowl, forming those ugly words, the tears came even harder.

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At the counter of the Honky Tonk, Shido leaned heavily on his arms, eyes wide.

_Your life does not belong to you, Midou-san. Not anymore. Not for a long time._

_ You will not die... not until I allow it. No more scars..._

_ You're not allowed to leave me alone._

What the hell was going on? Shido didn't understand it ... he didn't understand any of it. His superior sense of smell picked up a new scent inside the store room... where it had been a thick, musty smell of fresh blood and dust, there was now an underlying scent of... tears. Before he had the chance to think too hard about it, or even begin to understand how to react, feel, or respond, Paul had stepped behind he counter and fixed him with a glare he felt from behind those ever-present sunglasses.

"I'm sure Ginji has already said this to you," he said unnervingly casual as he reached for a couple plates under the counter, "But if you don't mind your words today around my... around Ban," he paused to briefly rub at his forehead in what seemed like annoyance, "You'll be knocked on your ass." Shido once again felt that hard glare boring into him. "Clear?" Shido nodded. "Now you can either stay and help cook, or pay and leave."

In the quiet of the cafe- Himiko finally sleeping with her head rested on the table and Natsumi drifting off beside her- Shido took a moment to wonder why he suddenly felt the need to beg for Paul's forgiveness. He gave up and instead tiredly stood up to stretch his stiff, tense muscles. No way he was leaving now. Not... not before he had the chance to apologize to Midou himself. So instead he just squared his shoulders and met Paul's eyes (approximately).

"I'll help cook."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This was pretty slow moving... it's tough trying to feel my way around it to figure out how to get it started again. Please bear with me... hopefully it'll speed up soon! Let me know what you think!


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